Senses
by AnimeYaoiFangirl100
Summary: L was dead. Mello declared that he was going to leave, until he remembers a certain person he doesn't want to leave. Mello still leaves, but does he leave alone? Why is he finding it so hard to leave everything behind, especially him?


__**My bestest buddy - one of them! - gets this because she is amazing and lovable and is awesome~! :D She is on DeviantArt, and look her up! Her name is DeathNoteFinatic13! :D Please check out all her art because she really deserves it. 3 Thank you all! **

**Before you ask, no I do not own Death Note, and yes, this is out of Mello's POV. **

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><p><em>L's dead? How could that have happened? He can't be dead! He just can't be! He promised that he would catch Kira! He promised that he would come back!<em>My thoughts were running wild as I stomped down the hall. I could feel the pricks in my eyes that meant tears would come soon. I willed them to stay back, at least until I got to my room. I didn't even want to let the tears fall then.

As I made it into my room I slammed the door, and broke down even before I reached my bed. L, my idol, the closest thing to a father that I ever had, was dead. I didn't want them to fall, but I couldn't stop the tears the made their way silently down my cheeks. Then they weren't just tears for L either. They were tears because I was finally going to leave this place: my home of many years.

Not only did Roger tell us that L had died, but he had also asked if I could work with Near. That would never happen. We were rivals, enemies, and he expected us to work together? Not a chance in hell. I told him this too, and – no matter how hard it is to believe – I told him that I was leaving, and that Near deserved to be the next L. He didn't get as emotional as I did.

I was finally leaving this place. I had always thought that I wouldn't leave until L had chosen me to become his successor, or until I became 18. Shows you how well that turned out. I had to admit that I was happy over-all. Me leaving meant no more Roger telling me what to do, no more Near to make me feel second best, – even though I was sure that I would always have that feeling, thanks to him – no more Linda to act like a stupid, love struck school girl, no more having people follow me around-

I felt my eyes widen as I finished wiping the tears out of them. _No._I thought with despair. I had completely forgotten about him. How could I forget Matt...? I felt the tears pricking at my eyes this time, but for a different reason. I crawled closer to my bed and hit my pillow with all the force that I could muster at the moment. Then, without anything else I just broke down and curled into a ball, hugging the pillow that I had just tried to murder.

"Matt... I'm so sorry..." I sniffed as I gripped the cloth that was filled with down. I couldn't believe it. Now that I was thinking about it: what have I done...? I bit my lip. I didn't want to leave Matt – I couldn't – but then there was what I said to Roger... If I stay, then I would be the laughing stock of the place. I couldn't stay, not after what I said.

I had no choice really...

Matt was my best friend, and not only that, but the one that I always wanted with me. The red-headed, blue eyed, skinny teen had grown on me. Normally I had him following me around like a lost little puppy that had finally found a master. It normally made me feel happy, but right now it just made me feel even more depressed. We were all each other really had. Ever since we were kids it had been that way...

I got up, my resolve to leave was still there, but I still felt terrible. I was going to leave Matt behind. I had to. I didn't know where I was going or what I was going to do once I got there. Whatever it was, I couldn't ket Matt get hurt because of me. I just couldn't. If that happened I would never forgive myself.

I quickly packed all my belongings into a bag, and all the while I couldn't stop thinking about the gaming nerd that I had grown to love. I kept trying to push the thoughts of him out of my head. I wasn't even planning on telling him that I was leaving, because I was sure that if I did, I would never be able to actually leave.

It was going to hurt leaving him, on both ends I was sure, but it was the only way to keep him safe. _Maybe he could actually find somebody to love after I'm gone..._I thought. I kept thinking that. I loved Matt more than anything, more than a friend should love a friend, but it happened. I wanted him to be happy above all else, and I was sure that that happiness wouldn't be found with me.

I kept assuring myself that he would be fine when I left: that he would be happy and finally have a future with someone special. I was doing well with reassuring myself of that, that was until I grabbed my rosary from the dresser. I held onto it, just looking. Matt had gotten it for me when my other one had broke. I admit, that this one was better than the other one. It was better just because it was a gift from Matt.

I slung the bag over my shoulder and blinked away some more tears that were threatening to fall. I took a deep breath before deciding that the first thing I would do was get out of England. I might go to America... Just because I gave Near the title of L didn't mean I was going to leave it be. I was going to beat Kira, and avenge L my way.

I looked out the window to see that it was raining, and I didn't really care at this point. It fit my mood. _One of the other kids will probably see me if I just walk down the halls and out the door._I thought. Then I also pushed away the thought that said that Matt might see me too.

With that one thought in mind I opened my window and swung myself into the tree that was right next to my window and climbed down slowly. I didn't need to get hurt or anything. I walked slowly toward the drive-way and towards the gates, but then I thought again. I made a turn and walked towards the window of the main room. I just wanted to see Matt again. Only once more and then I would leave.

With that painful thought in mind I looked through the window that was just slightly open. The red-head was still sitting on the couch that I had left him on when Roger had called Near and myself into his office. He was still playing his gameboy, and I had to suppress a laugh. Matt never paid that much attention to anything when he was playing his game, and you had to try really, really hard to get his attention elsewhere: sometimes that wouldn't even work.

I could see that small smile that was rarely ever seen on his face unless he was playing a game. The only other times I really remember him smiling without a game in hand was when he gave me my rosary, and when I told him what my real name was. I trusted him enough to tell him my real name, just a day after he told me his real name. A name that I was planning on taking to the grave with me.

Just as I was about to turn and leave this place behind forever – to leave Matt behind forever – but that was when I heard a soft voice through the window. I turned back to see Near coming into the room. I was truly surprised to see him have some emotion in his eyes, not much, but some, even if I couldn't tell what it was.

"Matt."

"Oh, hey Near." He said as he continued to play his game.

"Are you alright?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

"Have you seen Mello this evening?"

"No." He replied. "Not since right before Roger called the two of you to his office. What was that about anyway?" I knew that Matt was fine with Near, and never had an actual quarrel with him, and that he was polite to him when I wasn't around. I just didn't know if they were friends in some odd reality. I had inched closer to the window so that I could hear, making sure not to be seen by the two teens inside.

"Roger called us into his office to tell us that L had been killed. He didn't choose either of us as his successor, and Mello stormed off." I watched the red-heads reaction to this. He frowned slightly and looked up from his game, pausing it.

"So, he isn't in the best of moods right now. Do you want me to go talk with him...?"

"No, Matt." Near sighed and walked closer to the red-head. "When he stormed off he proclaimed that he was leaving. I'm sorry, Matt." I couldn't see the expression on Matt's face. He was normally so expressionless, and the goggles that he wore hid his eyes from view. From what I could see, his face paled more.

"Wha-What?" I watched as he bit his lip and I noticed that the grip on his device had tightened. "That can't be... He wouldn't..." I watched as he shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Matt." The albino repeated.

Without another word he pushed himself off the couch and I watched as he ran out of the room. I noticed that Near had watched him go, and then he looked back at the floor. His eyes were shadowed by his hair. I would say that the 12 year old looked sad if I knew what it looked like on him. If I knew why he would even have a reason to be sad. That was when I heard something.

"Look what you did now, Mello. You were all each other had, and you tore that apart too. Matt didn't deserve it, and neither did you."

I was taken aback because at first I had thought that he was talking to me: that he had noticed me, but then I realized that he hadn't. The tone of his voice made me realize that he was different too. I could hear the sadness that was never there, not in all the times that I have spoken to him.

I took a shuddery breath that I hadn't realized I was holding and I inched away from the window. _I saw Matt like I wanted, and so I need to go..._I told myself, but I shook it away as I walked back over to the tree. I needed to make sure that Matt didn't do anything stupid.

I climbed back up on the side that led to my room, and then I slowly made my way to the other side. I had left my bag underneath some bushes so it wouldn't get wet, and so that nobody would see it. It was easier to get along the tree without the extra baggage.

It was a miracle that the tree was as big as it was. On one side of it was my room and then on the other side was Matt's room. The branches were even big enough that we could climb onto them and go into each others' room: which we did a lot when we were sure that Roger wouldn't notice. I, of course, was planning on doing just that.

When I reached the end of the branch I looked in through the window, only to see that Matt was sitting on the floor, his back pressed up against his bed frame, and he had his head buried into his knees. I could faintly see the spasms that racked his body, and the sight made my heart clench.

I looked back down at the ground, faintly thinking that I should leave, because I knew now that he hadn't done anything stupid, but...I just couldn't leave him like that. I looked back in at him through the window. I knew that I couldn't see his face, but I couldn't see the strap from his goggles around his head: he had taken them off.

I opened the window quietly, and slipped in without a sound. When I got closer to the red-head he looked up, obviously noticing me. I noted that his eyes were red and puffy, like he had been crying. Which he had, I knew: the wetness under his eyes meant something.

"Matt, are you okay?" I asked quietly, biting the inside of my lip. I probably knew his answer. I knew that I knew his answer. I couldn't help but avoid his wide eyes as he looked at me. I always felt like they could see straight through me. That's what made them so wonderful, one of the things anyway.

"Mello... I thought that you had left..." He said slowly, his gentle voice was even softer than normal, and I could tell that he was trying to get his breathing under control. I suddenly felt a flash of anger. He would believe Near that easily?

"What? You would believe that albino in a heartbeat now?"

"No. All of your stuff was gone." He said, sniffling a little. _That's right, stupid. Of course he would have went to your room first._I scolded myself.

"Matt-"

"You're leaving right? So why aren't you done and gone yet?" A slightly bitter tone entered Matt's voice.

"Matt, I am leaving, but I needed to make sure of something before I left."

"Like what?"

"That you wouldn't do anything stupid."

"How would you have known if I did anyway? You didn't even bother to tell me yourself. You had Near do it for you."

"I had stopped by the window and saw him talking with you, okay? I listened in a little. When you ran off I wanted to make sure you weren't going to do something stupid, like normal."

"I might do stupid things from time to time, but at least I don't want to leave my best friend as soon as something bad happens."

"You know what L was to me."

"Yeah, I do. He was a father figure to you and Near when he was alive, but now he is gone."

"He was a father to you too." He just shook his head at that.

"No. He was more of one to you and Near than he was to me. To me, he was just like any other person."

"Even if you don't care that he's dead, I do!"

"I know, and that's why you are leaving me. I never was as important to you as L was, so why should I have expected any different."

"Matt! Dammit, I didn't come back here to argue with you."

"Then why did you come back? You're not going to stay here. You are still going to leave me, so why did you come back." In that sentence more sadness invaded his voice, and it made me think: why did I come back? I knew that I wanted to make sure that he didn't do anything stupid, but I was sure that there was something else...

I let out a small, genuine smile. I hadn't just wanted to make sure that Matt wouldn't do anything stupid, I knew that he wouldn't have. I wanted to do something that I had wanted to do for years, but I couldn't do it because of the thought of breaking apart the friendship that I had with the other teen. Now was the best time to do it – probably the only time to do it – because when I leave I probably never was going to see Matt again, so if he got mad at me for doing it, it was for the better.

I sat down on my knees in front of him and grabbed a hold of his chin. I tilted his face up so that he was looking at me, and I could see the sadness in those blue depths, and the tears that were still trickling out of his eyes. I didn't like when he cried, I never have. As I moved closer to him and place my lips gently on his, I watched his eyes widen.

I decided to risk it: I started to move my mouth against his slowly. I hadn't gotten pushed away yet, so I took that as a good thing. I was expecting to get pushed away at least, and when that didn't happen – I got bolder. When I slid my tongue against his bottom lip, he gasped softly and – when I went to slip my tongue inside – he pushed me away. I had expected it, but I was disappointed.

"M-Mello what was that for...?" His breath hitched and when I looked at him I saw the blush dusting his cheeks. I was glad that he wasn't mad for that, but it made me wonder. Did he have something for me too...? I shook my head, that couldn't be it, but that was the only explanation for why he wasn't freaking out. Once the question registered in my brain I figured, why lie?

"Because I love you, obviously." I spoke casually, but on the inside I was panicking. I knew that I probably would never see Matt again, so I needed to tell him this before it was too late, but the other part of me didn't want to. That part of me was afraid of being rejected, and was screaming that now I couldn't leave Matt here.

"Wh-What?"

"I think you heard me perfectly well." _And I think you're taking it awfully well._I added silently.

"I did, I just..." He trailed off, biting his lip and I grabbed onto his hand, like I normally did when he was having trouble with something. It always caused my stomach to do flips.

"Matt, you just what? You know that you can tell me. You can tell me anything, and especially since this is going to be the last time we see each other." When I said that I felt his hand tighten around mine.

"You can't leave me." He said meekly.

"Why not?"

"Because..."

"That's not an answer, Matt. If you aren't going to answer my questions then I'm just going to leave. I just wanted to say good-bye, and make sure you didn't do anything rash and stupid." I got up, ignored the screaming voice in my head and went to move, but before I could Matt held on tighter to my hand.

"Fine... You want to know why, fine. I love you too. That's why! You can't just leave me here! Mello, please don't leave me here." He looked at me and then pushed himself up onto his feet and he pulled me into a hug.

I swear that I was in shock. I could feel his arms around me, holding me tightly, but I wasn't quite registering it. I mean, I was, but at the same time, I wasn't. I never thought that I would hear those words come out of Matt's mouth. Never. Not in this life.

"You do? You seriously do...?" I whispered as I wrapped my arms around him to return the embrace.

"Yes, and now, now I don't know what to do..." He said as he buried his face into the crook of my neck. I could feel his lips moving against my neck, and, even though his voice was muffled, I could hear him. "You just can't leave me, Mello, you can't."

"Matt..." I said as I gripped his shoulders and pushed him back a little. When I looked into his eyes I felt my heart tear in two. I couldn't leave him here alone. It was either going to end with me staying with him, or him coming with me. "... Come with me." The words left my mouth before I even truly thought about it.

"What?" His breathing was now composed, like it normally was, but it was confused, and his eyes were still sad.

"Come with me. I'm not going to leave you here – not now – and I'm not leaving you here."

"But-"

"Mail, I can't stay here, I need to avenge L – I can't do that here – but I need you to be with me." I looked into his eyes, willing him to understand. I honestly hadn't understood at first, but I truly did need him with me. I had to have him with. I watched as the hesitance and puzzlement in his eyes dissolved.

"Alright, Miheal. Just let me get some things." I smiled and pulled him into an embrace, giving him a small kiss: oh, how I have wanted to freely kiss him like this. I could both avenge L and have Matt with me. It was what I wanted. I could do both without having to give away anything.

"Alright, but try to hurry. Once Linda finds out that I left, the whole orphanage will find out, and then..."

"... They won't leave me alone." He finished as he pulled out a bag and started to fill it with his clothes and games. I smiled, happy that he would be coming with me. I knew that it probably wouldn't take much, but I had thought that he would hate me after I kissed him. I never expected him to return my feelings.

My small smile turned to a frown, but I nodded anyway. We both knew that everyone would worry about him more than anything. Matt and I had been the best of friends since we can remember, and my departure surely would have been devastating for him. I mentally flinched when I thought about me almost leaving him like that...

I suddenly noticed a flash of orange over by the wall, and I walked over to it. When I bent over I picked up Matt's goggles. The ones that I had given him for his birthday because he kept complaining about how the light kept hurting his eyes, and he refused to stop playing his games.

"You dropped these." I said, holding them out towards him.

"I know." He said quietly and pulled them over his head as he shifted his now full bag over his shoulder. He made sure that they were placed over his eyes perfectly fine. "Thanks." He smiled before adding, "I'm ready."

"Alright, come on." I said as I grabbed onto his hand as quickly as I could. I tugged him with me as I went out the window. The only time I really let go of him was when we were claiming down the tree, but as soon as his feet touched the ground I had a hold of him again.

"Where are we going to go?" I looked at the younger teen next to me. My face had hardened slightly after we left the room, and with the rain in my face I wasn't going to be smiling.

"I don't know. For now we will get as far as we can and then find a place to stay. We will figure out everything tomorrow." I said. i?As long as we are together, we should be fine./i I thought as I grabbed my bag from underneath the bush.

As we walked off I didn't once look back. I had all that I wanted, and I knew that there was no point in looking back when my life was ahead of me, with Matt.

I tossed my bag on the floor of the small room that we managed to get, and I heard Matt toss his down right beside it. I was too busy looking around the room to make sure that we had everything that we needed. I knew we were only staying there for the night, but I wasn't going to have us staying in a shitty room for the night.

I guess I shouldn't complain, even if it was shitty. It was a fair priced room and easy enough to get. The woman at the front desk didn't even ask why we were there and wanting one room for the night. I was guessing that a lot of odd people came here.

I noticed that there was only one bed, but I didn't mind, and I doubted that Matt did either. Even if we hadn't just confessed our love for each other, it wouldn't have been a problem. We had always been best friends, and when we were younger I often slept with Matt in order to keep his nightmares away. When he did sleep with me, it always made me feel needed.

"It could've rained a little less." Matt muttered as he kicked his boots off and took off his goggles.

"It wasn't that bad." I said, even though it was a lie. It had been pouring out, and of course we were walking most of the way to this small motel. The last thing we needed at the moment was for one of us to get sick. I especially didn't want Matt to get sick. He always got sick easy.

"Whatever you say." He huffed and I looked at him. I watched as he ran a hand through his dripping wet hair. "It was terrible out there."

"At least we made it here." I replied, removing my shoes and tossing them down over near the door. On top of the register was were it was the warmest, and that was were the shoes were going to be until we left. They needed to dry.

"It would have been faster if there hadn't been a bunch of assholes all along the way here."

"Language, Matt."

"It happens to be English." He retorted. "And I don't think that you have any room to talk." He was right there, I normally cursed so much that I was sure I was going to Hell. I walked over to him and pulled him closer to me, kissing him slowly.

He immediately opened his mouth to let my tongue into his moist cavern. I smirked into the kiss as I ran my tongue all throughout his mouth. It was good to know that he felt the same as me, and I greatly appreciated the fact that I could kiss him whenever I felt like it now. Our lips fit together like puzzle pieces: another thing that I enjoyed.

When I pulled back I gave him another smirk, noting the small blush that was now dusting his features again. I always did think that Matt was cute, and even cuter when he was embarrassed. I just never really could freely show that I did. Now I could, and I had to admit that I was happy.

"It's England, Matt. What do you expect? It to be sunny all the time? No. Of course it's going to rain a lot." With that I walked into the bathroom in search of a towel. Of course today the rain had to get harder instead of just staying the light drizzle that it was when we had started. I grabbed one of the towels and started to rub it against my hair.

When I walked out of the bathroom I was brought to face a shirtless Matt. One who had his back turned towards me and was currently looking through his bag. His pale, bare, wet skin was looking at me straight in the face. It got me to thinking. Sure, we had just basically said that we loved each other – that was just hours ago – but that sort of meant we were unspoken lovers. I smirked. _I've had thoughts about that milky flesh before, and now it is all mine._I thought right now was the perfect time to make him my actual lover, and I didn't give a damn about if some people thought it was rushed. They can go fuck themselves.

I quietly snuck up behind him, and wrapped my arms around him. I pressed up as close behind him as I could, or as my shirt would allow. He stiffened slightly as he stood up, but then quickly relaxed.

"Mello, I'm trying to find something dry to wear, not get even more wet. And I'm cold and you being wet doesn't help."

"So, find something later." I said as I nuzzled my face into his neck. When I stepped back I pulled my shirt off, and I was about to press myself to him again, but he turned around and was looking at me.

"What...? Mello, I'm could and I want to get warmed up. I don't think you taking off your shirt is really helping anything.." Despite his words I could see him looking at my bare chest and I let out a small, seductive smirk.

"I'm cold too, and that's why I think we should share body heat."

"What are you talking about, Mello..?" As I got closer to him the blush on his cheeks seemed to grow. He was just playing dumb, I knew.

"You know perfectly well what I mean, Mail." When I was able to I grabbed a hold of him and pulled him closer to me, so that our bare chests were pressed up against each other. "And you know you like the idea."

"B-But.."

"You can't honestly say that you haven't dreamed of it. Of me fucking you senseless." And that was exactly what I was planning on doing. I just really didn't want to hurt Matt, even though I knew it would hurt for him either way.

When he opened his mouth again to say something, I pressed my lips against his in a passionate kiss. When he melted against me, I took that moment to pull him towards the direction of the bed, without breaking the kiss. When my calves hit the bed I let myself go down, taking the red-head with me. Right before I broke away from him I flipped us so that I was on top.

"Now, are you ready? Or not?" I asked as I sat up straight and looked at him. His face was flushed, and I knew I had gotten what I wanted. I could feel the bulge growing in his jeans, and that's what I wanted to happen. Not to mention, I was as sexy as hell and Matt always did what I wanted.

"Al-Alright." Matt stuttered, and then turned bold by leaned up to capture my lips again. I didn't try to deny it, but I would have started a fight if he would have tried to be dominant, but I really didn't think that Matt could be dominant. I think he was always going to be submissive.

When I rubbed my tongue against his he let out a small moan, and I couldn't suppress the groan that pushed past my lips when I heard it. I had dreamt of making him make that sound, and now it was happening. It was better than in my dream.

As we continued the long kiss full of lust and passion that I didn't know either one of us possessed we breathed through our nose, not wanting to relinquish the contact between us. As it continued I could feel myself getting harder and harder. Just knowing what I was going to be doing in the next few minutes just made me feel so hot.

I fiddled with the button of his pants before unsnapping it. I had moved to sit a little farther down on his legs so that I could unzip his jeans as well, causing me to break the kiss. It let both of us panting for breath. The look on my best friends face was what I had hoped for. There was a look of want and need in his eyes, that I hadn't seen before.

"Miheal..." Matt moaned as I slipped my hand into his pants and started to rub him through his boxers. After a couple moments I pulled it out. The boy under me whimpered slightly, and I guessed it was from the lose of my hand. I lifted myself up a little bit.

"Come on, Mail..." I said and made to tug on his pants when he arched up and aided me with the removal. After they were off he helped me remove my pants. We were both panting very heavily now, and it sounded like they were echoing off the walls. I was somewhat afraid that someone would hear us.

When we were both just in our boxers I leant back down to give Matt another long kiss. I was nervous. Neither of us had done this before. I mean, I knew how to go about it, but I was worried that I would do something wrong to hurt the boy that I loved.

I didn't want to show how I was nervous, but I was positive that it showed, just as much as I could see the nervousness that Matt was showing. Despite my nervousness, I rolled over beside Matt and kicked my boxers off. When I sat up I sat on my knees and looked at my friend, who was really starting to get nervous now.

"It will be fine, Mail." I promised. "I will make it as painless as possible, and it will feel really good." Or, I hoped so at least. I heard that it was supposed to be really good, but I wasn't sure. I was hoping that it was, for the both of us.

"I know." He nodded and gave a small smile as he slowly took his boxers off. I had the sudden urge to just rip them off, but I didn't want to do that. He was nervous enough as it was, we both were. When we were both completely naked I climber back on top of him so that I was straddling his waist.

When I kissed him again it felt like I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop. He was my best friend, but after tonight he was going to be my lover and he was always going to stay that way. I loved him so much.

"Are you okay? Sure that you want to do this?" I asked, wanting to make sure that he wouldn't regret this.

"I'm sure." He panted out. He made sure to finalize his statement by spreading his legs out farther so that I could fall between them. I brought three of my fingers up to his lips and lightly drug them across.

"Suck." I said. Like I said, I was going to try and make it as easy as I could for him. He took in the digits and started to swirl his tongue around all of them. It felt so great. When I settled into a more comfortable position, my member rubbed up against his. I let out a moan at the same time as his.

Once I thought that my fingers were wet enough I took them from his mouth and moved them down and placing them at his entrance. With one finger I traced some circles around the hole before quickly slipping it in, watching the boys face the whole time. I could see a flash of uncomfortableness come over his face, but that was it.

When I inserted my second digit into his hole I watched as his face became creased again and he squirmed a little this time. I didn't want to hurt him. I wanted to be as careful as I could. The last thing that I wanted was to hurt him. We were both quiet, or that was how it was with us both panting like we were. That somewhat silence was broken when I added my last finger into his heat and he let out a small whimper.

"Do you want me to stop?" I asked quickly as I stopped moving my fingers around.

"No." He got out. "Keep going." I let out a breath before continuing to stretch him with my fingers. I wanted to get him as stretched out as I could.

Once I thought he was stretched enough I withdrew my fingers and positioned myself at his entrance. As I started to push myself into him slowly his arms threw themselves around my neck. I managed to weave my arms around him as I slowly pushed myself all the way in. He had said that he didn't want me to stop, so I wasn't planning on it. I could feel his nails digging into my neck and I brought our lips together once more in a kiss.

"Mail.." I groaned as I felt the pressure of the walls against me. It was practically suffocating, but I didn't mind. It felt good once I got all the way in. I looked at his face and I was torn. A part of me wanted to stop because I never wanted to hurt him, but the more rational part of my mind said that it was going to hurt the first time that we did it anyway, and the lust that I was feeling was seeming to override that part.

No matter how much lust was flowing through my body, I couldn't bear to see tears in those blue eyes. I leaned up and kissed away the tears as I waited for him to tell me when it was safe to start moving again – I just hoped that was soon. After a couple more minutes the red-head nodded slightly.

"Please, just move..." He panted out as he looked at me and I gave him a smile before kissing him again. I slowly pulled out of him before moving back in, and then repeating the process. As I continued with this motion I built up a steady rhythm as I thrusted in and out at a different angle each time. I was determined to find the place that would have him screaming my name, and that would give him more pleasure than pain.

"Miheal!" Matt's grip on my neck seemed to tighten ever so slightly when his head flung back with a loud moan. I gave a breathless smirk before planting another kiss on him, this one filled with more lust than anything. I kept aiming for that spot that I had hit that would make him make that sound again. That wonderful sound... "Miheal!" He moaned again through pants. It made me want to go even faster – the lust seeming to grow.

"What do you want me to do, Mail?" I said and looked into his misty eyes. I was barely holding myself back as I continued to thrust into the skinny body that belonged to the teen that I loved.

"Go harder!" I didn't need to be told twice as I added more power to my thrusts as I sped up the pace. I looked back down at the body squirming beneath me as I pounded into him. I never would have thought that I would be doing this to him of all people. I had been having fantasies about this and pleasuring myself as I thought about Matt for the past couple years.

I continued to thrust into him as fast and as hard as I could. I could feel the heat coiling in my abdomen, and I knew that I would go soon. The noises that my lover was making wasn't helping hold me off, but I was sure he was getting close as well. I removed one of my hands from behind his back and I started pumping him, picking up speed so that they were meeting my thrusts.

"Mail, you're so beautiful." I panted as I looked at him. Sweat was covering both of our bodies, and our hair was sticking to our heads because of it. I could never have seen a prettier sight. Matt, laying beneath me, squirming, making the most erotic of noises, his messy hair sticking to his head. I knew that he had always had problems with how he thought he looked, but I had always thought that he was the most beautiful person – even before I knew what I felt for him.

"MIHEAL!" He yelled as I felt his walls clench around my member as he came onto my hand and both of our chests. The sudden tightness that suddenly enclosed my member made me finally go over the edge as well.

"MAIL!" I shouted as I shot my seed into his body. I kissed him with all the passion that I had in my body, and he allowed my tongue to dance with his once again as we both rode out our climaxes. Once we broke apart, trying to get out breath back, I collapsed on top of him. As I rolled over so that I was beside him I pulled out of him.

"I love you so much, Mail." I said as I gently caressed his face with my fingers. I could already feel my eyelids drooping, but I didn't want them to close. I liked seeing that smile that was on the red-head's face at the moment. I wanted to just continue to look at him.

"I love you too, Miheal. Like you wouldn't believe." He told me, and right after he yawned. Of course he would be tired too. _I bet I can, and I am sure that I love you more._I thought with a small smile, as I watched his eyes fall shut, and his breathing shallow out as he fell into sleep.

"Sleep well, Mail. I promise you, that we will make it. I will do everything that I can to keep you safe." I said as I grabbed his hand, and intertwined our fingers before I actually let myself fall asleep. The last thing that I remembered before losing consciousness was the smile that Matt was wearing as he slept. It made me feel even better.

Matt never smiled when he slept. He always had nightmares, and was always frowning or silently sobbing during his dreams. It probably would have been worse if I had just left him there, and I knew that I couldn't have left him there alone. My subconscious had known, but I hadn't known right away.

I was glad that I came to my senses.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading this, so would you mind leaving a wonderful review? It would make me happy~ And work on stories faster if I had reviews~ :D <strong>

**And yes, I made Near say a sweet little sentence. ^.^ It made me squee writing that line~3 **


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